i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
