shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
