census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
