there's paper in my vomit.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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