If that was your dad, he is hot
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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