please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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