somebody snuck up and got me drunk
my being single is dangerous.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
