I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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