i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
