now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
