what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
it was like eating out sand paper
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
