Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
