3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
