Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
