I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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