How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
