guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
