The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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