i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
