sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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