About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
ugly people sure do ruin things
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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