I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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