ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
