he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I FOUND THE LEGS
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
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