Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Banned from zoo.
Again?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
