You can't special order awesome
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
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