operation harelip BJ is a go
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
