I want to stick my p in your. b.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Randomize
