I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
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