My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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