i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
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Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
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Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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