Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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