Fine. I'll sleep in my office
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
