So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
