Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
