I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I would fuck him just for his dog
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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