You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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