I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
