she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
