my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
