first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I love you.
Bad choice
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
