Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
