it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
