fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
me + whiskey = a bad person
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Randomize
