I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
