Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
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