How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
