Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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