U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
