So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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