At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
