Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
