I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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