hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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