WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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