he shaved USA in his pubs
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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