I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
