My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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