It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
