i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
