she woke up with a sticky ear
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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