yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
