Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
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