Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
