Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
