Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I need a burrito and a hug.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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