your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
