We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
