i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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