why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
