I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
